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On Saturday, May 24th at Sandy Lake Cemetery in Lakehurst, Ontario our family gathered to bury my brother Johnny. There were about 40 people present and Mabel Henderson, a friend who was the minister at our old Presbyterian Church in Tweed, conducted the service.
Perhaps listening to this wonderful version of Amazing Grace by Nana Mouskouri will give you a feeling for the beauty of our sacred goodbye.
Tribute was paid to Johnny in many ways:
Our brother Kevin shared his memories taking comfort from his sense that Johnny's spirit is in the wind. At one time Johnny had made a special wooden box for Lorraines "relic family bible." When mom died in August of 2000 we were very touched that he offered this box for her ashes. Subsequently he made Lorraine another bible box which Lorraine brought today containing Johnny's ashes. Later in the service Kevin kneeled and lowered this lovingly made urn into the grave and I placed a rose on top of it.
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Steven Carter, Johnny's cousin, read the 23rd psalm.
Karina spoke with grace and love, giving a chronology of Johnny's life, referencing the people Johnny loved, and relating his treasured memories of them that had withstood the test of time.
Johnny's grandson Keegan read the following poem by Henry Scott Holland (1847-1918):
Later in the service Keegan and Johnny's nephew, Aaron, planted a dwarf burning bush. Apparently this bush takes on a gorgeous flaming hue in the autumn. Johnny had planted several of them at their home in New Brunswick, but had one that was not flourishing, so Lorraine dug it up and brought it to Lakehurst to mark the occasion.
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The presence of Kersti, Johnny's other daughter, added a dimension of healing to our sorrow. How wonderful that the family was able to meet her for the first time and she was able to say both hello and goodbye to her birth father.
Amber took courage and sang (click to hear UTube version) the following beautiful Baha'i' prayer from Baha'u'allah's "Hidden Words":
O MY SERVANT!
Free thyself from the fetters of this world, and loose thy Soul from the prison of self.
Seize thy chance, for it will come to thee no more.
O SON OF MY HANDMAID!
Didst thou behold immortal sovereignty, thou wouldst strive to pass from this fleeting world.
But to conceal the one from thee and toreveal the other is a mystery which none but the pure in heart can comprehend.
As our good friend, Don Gordon played the euphonium our voices were raised to the wonderful words of Abide With Me and Amazing Grace, while the birds chirped in the background and the breezes ushered his spirit home.
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Our aunt, Marion Pollard held a wonderful reception for everyone back at her home in Peterborough. It was also the occasion for a family reunion as many people stayed over at the Holiday Inn which is on the picturesque Little Lake in the centre of town.
 Kevin and Karina with Nanci's good friends Joanne and Inez |  Nanci with cousins Julie and Janice |
I delivered the following eulogy and also distributed a hand out containing the words to Amazing Grace, photos, the obituary notice and a collection of Johnny's "Letters to the Editor" that were published in the Perth and Bathurst newspapers.
Nanci's Eulogy - Do Not Go Gentle Into That Good Night
It has been hard for me to come to terms with the death of my brother Johnny. I want to shout out with the immortal words of Dylan Thomas:
Do not go gentle into that good night
Rage, rage against the dying of the light.
There was rage. There was a good fight. The courage Johnny showed in the face of his devastating throat cancer was remarkable. He did not complain. He did not cry. He did not blame. He faced his surgery and fears with equanimity, humour and a positive attitude. Even on the day he died, he was still jesting with the nurses. When he found out that his cancer had returned, and his time was short, his first thought was that he was going to get to see his sister and mother again soon.
Dr Martin Luther King Jr once said in a speech: “The ultimate measure of a man is not where he stands in moments of comfort and convenience, but where he stands at times of challenge and adversity.” Anyone can be positive, polite and kind when things are going well. What distinguishes people with an extraordinary character from the rest of us is how they respond when life sends one of its inevitable curves. They don’t crumble or surrender. They reach deeply into themselves and present even more of their highest nature to the world.”
I am sad that Johnny chose to keep his illness from his family. I would have been there for him in his darkest hour, but I am also very grateful that Lorraine was there, with his head cradled in her lap when he passed away. He suffered in silence for months but did not die alone. I am sure he felt at peace with her loving touch. My grief is softened, knowing that death set him free from the physical pain he was facing, and I know that he felt that that was no way to live. He left this world with unresolved hurts and wrongs but I will accept them as doors into Life’s deeper understandings. Perhaps this was Johnny’s way of leaving with dignity, and trying to protect those he loved.
A human life is sacred.
It is sacred in its being born.
It is sacred in its living.
And it is sacred in its dying.
Before the wonder of living and dying we are humbled. Though we live with the abstract knowledge that death is inevitable, in the end, death brings us face to face with life. And in spite of death, the scheme of Life is ultimately good.
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My good memories of Johnny abound. I remember playing hide and seek in our old war time frame house, lying behind the curtain on the linen shelf, thinking he’d never find me. I remember him doing magic tricks with us kids, and playing with his walkie talkie and morse code device in the cubby hole upstairs. He was such a tease.
My trepidation turned to terror on my first trip to the dentist, because we passed a man jack hammering the sidewalk on the way there, and Johnny told me that was what the dentist’s drill was like. He told me that Chinese food was worms and snakes, that ghosts were out to get me, that Santa was skipping our house one Christmas.
He was my handsome older brother and boy was he cool! He could dance up a storm and tantalize the ladies. He was not a great scholar but I remember thinking he was very bold, drawing pictures of “Willy The Hair” all over his Shakespeare text books, and drawing pictures of cars and planes, when Dad thought he was in his room doing homework every night. He loved cars and was especially proud of a red Porsche he once owned. We won’t talk about his joy riding adventure and how Dad made him sweat it out in jail overnight!!!
Johnny was a neat freak….. he could wrap a mean present and his gifts were always well thought out and special. He took great joy in getting everyone just the right something for Christmas. I can still hear that black Chinese music box he gave me one year, and the King Sized beach towel that actually went all the way around me!!! Last Christmas he gave Karina the most unusual ice cream cone shaped cookie jar for her new house. Like Dad he loved his toys, and how great that he was able to enjoy many of them during the past eight years. Sometimes I envy the way he could spend money….. no conscience……. just do it!!! He had a ball developing a train hobby and collecting interesting antiques. In fact he had a great curiosity about the world around him, and an insight into politics that kept the Bathurst paper well supplied with clever editorial comments for several recent years. Shakespeare would be proud!
Johnny was a mechanical whiz. I remember the story about Dad coming home with our first lawn mower and Johnny immediately took it apart and put it right back together again. He was good at his job, loved the problem solving aspect of fixing type writers and photo copiers. We spend so much of our time working for a living that it is a real blessing when that work is enjoyable. Many times he would tell me how much he enjoyed his work.
I had a friend who said that cancer was the best thing that ever happened to him. It can become the burnishing forge for the heart of our lives. After his cancer in 2000, Johnny bought into life in a way he had never done before. He made more time for the people in his life, bought a used RV and travelled out west to see many historical sights he wanted to visit and moved out to the East Coast for some new experiences.
The thing I remember most about my big brother is the twinkle in his eye, that little inward chuckle he often had over life’s incongruencies. He loved animals and would stop the car to let a caterpillar cross the road. His sarcasm was kindly and his nature was generous. He understood and was there for me when I was going through cancer a few years ago. It surprised me at the time, as we had never really been close and sharing about our lives.
 Johnny, Lorraine, Cocoa, Miranda |  Caroline, Lorraine,Keegan and Lorraines son Peter |
It is love, life’s purest expression, which survives even death, that brings us together today. Each of us loves in our own way and our own time and according to how we are loved in return. We do the best we can with what life dishes out to us, leaving a piece of ourselves with everyone we touch. Johnny touched more people in his life than we realize because he did it quietly. He has taught me humility and acceptance and appreciation for a different perspective than my own.
There is nobility in his spirit, healing in his pain. I know that he is at peace in a sacred place and I pray that his spirit is free to love again and be loved and mingle with an energy that is divine, perfect and alive. I am grateful for the part of me that was shaped by having Johnny for a brother and our unspoken sibling love. There is healing in my missing him and thanksgiving for his presence in my life.
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When Kevin, Arthur and I attended the Peterborough Unitarian Church Sunday morning, we noticed the artistic statue above. How wonderfully it encompasses the Unitarian flame emblem, but in this version the lamp has become two hands, connecting and sending forth light. What an exquisite reminder of Johnny and the light he brought to my life. We have been blessed with a plethora of healing symbols this weekend. So I shall end this writing as I began, with the amazing freedom hymn born from John Newton's transformation..... this time by the renowned boy's choir, Libera. May we live to love and embrace our own transformations as they hearken.
Amazing Grace Version by Libera
| Amazing Grace, how sweet the sound, That saved a wretch like me.... I once was lost but now am found, Was blind, but now, I see. T'was Grace that taught...my heart to fear. And Grace, my fears relieved. How precious did that Grace appear... The hour I first believed. Through many dangers, toils and snares... We have already come. T'was Grace that brought us safe thus far... And Grace will lead us home. | The Lord has promised good to me... His word my hope secures. He will my shield and portion be... As long as life endures. When we've been here ten thousand years... Bright shining as the sun. We've no less days to sing God's praise... Then when we've first begun. Amazing Grace, how sweet the sound, That saved a wretch like me.... I once was lost but now am found, Was blind, but now, I see. |
by John Newton
After lunch on Sunday we held hands in a circle and listened to Libera's lovely hymm, Far Away for our final goodbye to each other as we went back to our far away homes, and to Johnny, knowing he was in a place of beauty and peace.
 Front Row: Lynn, Jillian, Jeannie, Keegan, Karina Back Row: Aaron, Amber, Kevin, Alex, Nanci, Arthur, Kyle |
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